Humor: Resume Bloopers

RÉSUMÉ BLOOPERS:
●  “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
●  “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.”
●  “Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.”
●  “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people.”
●  “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail.”
●  “Objective: Career on the Information Supper Highway.”
●  “Experience: Stalking, shipping & receiving”
●  “I am great with the pubic.”
●  “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”
●  “Revolved customer problems and inquiries.”
●  “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”
●  “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
●  “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”
●  “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
●  “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
●  “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
●  “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
●  “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
●  “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”
●  “I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.)”
●  “Reason for leaving: Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.’”