When Getting the Job Is the Easy Part: The Challenges Moms Face When Returning to the Workforce

From the Wall Street Journal | Feb 17, 2010

Before Andree Bogaerts returned to work as an attorney last fall
after nine years at home with her three children, she says, she took a
little training first-"a crash course in Excel spreadsheets from my
12-year-old daughter."

Bryan Derballa for The Wall Street Journal

After a full day of work, Mara Feldman relaxes with relaxes with Noah, Zachary and Amanda at home in New Jersey.

Adapting
to new technology was just one of the big changes the Larchmont, N.Y.,
mother had to tackle after taking such a long time-out from the
workforce.

Countless studies and books have been devoted to the woes of at-home
parents who can't find a job; those who manage to break into the
workforce are regarded with amazement and envy-especially during these
days of high unemployment. In fact, getting the job is only the first
step in a challenging readjustment.

Not only do former at-home parents land like real-life Rip van
Winkles in a strange new world of technology, team dynamics, office
fashion and water-cooler talk at the office, but they must
simultaneously renegotiate their relationships at home, with spouses
and kids. They usually take a big cut in job status and pay, while
facing pressure at work to prove themselves all over again.

An estimated 1.9 million college-educated mothers would like to make
this leap, based on research by Carol Fishman Cohen, co-author of a
book on re-entering the workforce after a career break. Government data
show about 2.3 million women with children under 18 who have at least a
college degree are out of the workforce, and private studies suggest
that roughly 82% of them are interested in returning at some point.

Bryan Derballa for The Wall Street Journal

Ms. Feldman stops by the office of her husband, Matt, with her three children at the end of the workday.

The 12 parents I interviewed who have returned to work with the last year or two were mostly thrilled to be back.

But they all faced periods of adjustment. Many of the returning
parents were bothered by the nonstop emailing that has replaced the
face-to-face conversations they prefer. Others had to cram in lessons
in such now-ubiquitous programs as Microsoft Outlook and Excel.

"I might get a project from my boss and stand there saying, 'Oh yes,
yes, I can handle that,"' says attorney Rore Middleton, Fairfield,
Conn., who returned to work last year after nine years at home with her
three children. "Then I'd run back to a colleague and say, 'I have to
do this project on Excel. What does this mean?"' She is grateful for
the assist from willing co-workers, she says.

The Juggle

• What Sacrifices Would You Make To Return To Work?

Returning
parents also face pressure to prove themselves on the job. Ms.
Middleton says she strived "to really make sure I was in early, I
didn't take too long a lunch break, I did my projects on time," she
says. She also made a point of having open conversations with her boss,
asking questions and seeking guidance.

Lou Ann Winchell, Portola Valley, Calif., a mother of three and
former bank product manager who was out of the workforce more than a
decade, says she was nervous about performing well when she resumed
work in a similar role 1-1/2 years ago. "Instead of spinning my wheels
and worrying," she says, she, too, forced herself to ask questions.

Ms. Cohen, co-founder of iRelaunch, which offers career re-entry
coaching and seminars, recommends asking for a performance review every
six months for the first two years back after a career break, to ensure
good communication and evaluate your progress.

Bryan Derballa for The Wall Street Journal

Ms. Feldman, who returned to a career as a pharmaceutical sales rep, visits a physician.

Many
parents came back to industries turned upside down. Mara Feldman, a
West Orange, N.J., mother of three who returned to her career as a
pharmaceutical sales representative last year after an eight-year
break, encountered a new insurance-reimbursement system that has
transformed the sales process. "You kind of have to learn on the fly.
That's probably the hardest thing," she says. "You have to ask a lot of
questions."

Changing office dynamics can be a challenge, too. "When I left my
job 10 years ago I was the youngest executive. Now I come back and I'm
a grandma," says Nancy Dandridge, Cypress, Calif., a mother of two and
former corporate accountant, who returned to work a year ago as a
report developer for a space-technology firm. While she doesn't
actually have grandchildren yet, she says some of her much younger
co-workers were "a little cool" at first. To build rapport, she talks
college football or asks them about their weekends. If she gets an
impulse to talk about her own kids, 21 and 19, "I let it pass," she
says, fearing her co-workers "might think, 'Kids in college! Omigosh,
you're so old!"'

To ease the transition, several parents sought advance help from
coaches, or took so-called on-ramping programs. Ms. Middleton and Ms.
Bogaerts enrolled in Pace Law School's six-month "New Directions"
program, including training, coaching and an externship. Ms. Winchell
enrolled in a career re-entry program at Stanford University's Graduate
School of Business. Before returning to work after a three-year break
to be at home with her twin boys, Jevelyn Bonner-Reed, Charlotte, N.C.,
took an eight-week "returnship" program at Goldman Sachs, which helps
professionals update their skills and industry knowledge.

A cut in pay and status usually comes with the turf. Ms. Feldman
went from a six-figure salary to making $25 per sales call at first,
although she has since taken a higher-paying position. In general,
skilled women who drop out of the workforce for three or more years
earn an average 37% less after returning, compared with those who
didn't take career breaks, says a 2004 study of 3,096 college-educated
people by the Center for Work-Life Policy, New York.

Many returning parents also make tradeoffs to get the flexibility
they need. Lisa Kirk, Cincinnati, a former bank commercial lending
officer who left the workforce for 15 years, turned down a
higher-paying position 2-1/2 years ago to take an accounting job at a
nonprofit organization. While adjusting to a lower salary "was a little
difficult," she acknowledges, the job she chose gives her the early
starting and leaving times she wants, a 15-minute commute and
supportive supervisors, enabling her to stay involved in her two
teenage sons' lives.

At home, returning parents also must renegotiate how child care and
chores are handled, says Julie Shifman, owner of Act Three, a
Cincinnati career-coaching firm. "There can be some tension in the
marriage over who does what," she says.

When Ms. Bogaerts' au pair locked herself out of the house on Ms.
Bogaerts' second day back at work, she had "a text-messaging showdown"
with her husband, about who would go home to let her in, Ms. Bogaerts
says. Her husband wound up taking the train home.

The transition can hit spouses hard. Erika Grinius, who returned to
work as a marketing manager in 2008 after five years spent mostly at
home with her daughter, now 7, says her husband, a college professor,
has had to re-shuffle his research and writing time to do more child
care.

"He has had to take a hit on his career, to a certain degree, to
make room for mine," says Ms. Grinius, Chicago. Although she has picked
up other duties to help out, the adjustment is "probably harder for him
than for me."

Many of the parents also worried about how the change would affect
their children. Ms. Feldman spent a couple of sleepless nights before
returning to work full-time, "worrying about how it was going to affect
the kids," who are 9, 6 and 4, she says.

But the kids often prove most resilient. Ms. Feldman's 9-year-old
daughter "was excited when I went back to work," she says. The parents
of her kids' friends are mostly employed, and "I think she was really
proud of me."

Ms. Middleton, whose daughters are 13, 11 and 10, says her
11-year-old gave her a hard time, saying, "You used to be a really good
mom, but now, you don't have as much time for us." But Ms. Middleton
talked with all her kids about how families pitch in to help each other
when changes need to be made, and they have since adjusted well. "They
think it is great," she says, that "now Mommy has a little money in her
purse."

-E-mail sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com.