When Returning to Work Is Harder Than It Seems

From the Wall Street Journal | Oct 27, 2009

Last July Ben Wallace spent a week at Boy Scout Camp with his then
9-year-old son. The two fished, canoed, sat around the campfire, and
bonded with dozens of other scouts and parents-something he wouldn't
have had time for if he had been employed.

Wallace Family

Ben Wallace and his son at Scout camp

"It
was one of the best weeks we've spent together," says the 40-year-old,
who left a vice-president role at an oil-and-gas company in June 2008
to start his own business, just before the economy tanked. During the
nine months he was out of an office, Mr. Wallace spent time with his
sons and found time to exercise.

But then Mr. Wallace put aside his entrepreneurial efforts in favor
of a perfect-fit job-and he found it hard to relinquish his family
time, and his efforts to get in shape.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in September the
average amount of time a laid-off worker spends unemployed was a
staggering 6.5 months. Of course, most people would much prefer the
hustle-and even the stress-of work. But despite the hardships of
long-term unemployment, many people find the time off a pleasant
surprise and take advantage of the lax schedule between job-hunting
activities. Out-of-work professionals have found themselves using their
free time for everything from family bonding and reconnecting with old
friends to spending more time at the gym.

That can make the transition back to the daily grind a big adjustment.

"Even if you're an active person, being out of work is a very
different schedule," says Bettina Seidman, a career coach in New York.
"The truth is that starting a new job has a real physical and emotional
impact."

For Anne Friend, who was laid off from Washington Mutual's credit-card division after it was acquired by J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., that impact included feeling disconnected from friends and neighbors she had become close to while laid off.

During her eight-month stint of unemployment, Ms. Friend began
hanging out with her children more often-watching movies, eating dinner
together and doing other low-cost activities-and meeting friends for
coffee. But in October, the 54-year-old mother of three began a
contract position as a program manager with a firm in Silicon Valley.
She says the position is a great fit and she is thrilled to be working
again, but the long workdays have been a significant adjustment. "It's
a constant evaluation-what [do] I have to do outside those [work] hours
that's most important and what I can get rid of," she says.

Ross Mantle for The Wall Street Journal

Ben Wallace returned to an office, leaving behind extra time with his son-and his exercise routine.

Ms.
Friend says she now has to make a concerted effort to network and
socialize and has changed the mediums she uses. Rather than
face-to-face lunches and get-togethers, she is relying more on email,
phone calls and even Facebook.

Mr. Wallace, 40, began spending much more time with his two boys
while he tried to start his own business-and then when he was
interviewing and negotiating for a full-time job. During the nine
months he was unemployed, he spent many afternoons hanging out with his
sons after school. He also dedicated upward of an hour each day to
exercise. He lost 25 pounds and shaved almost 30 points off of his
cholesterol level.

But then, in March Mr. Wallace started a job at Penneco Oil Co. in
Delmont, Pa., as a chief operations officer. His bank account is
fatter-but so is he, having gained back 15 pounds. "I'm finding less
time now," says Mr. Wallace, who has traded running and weight-lifting
for walking the dog.

He also spends less time with his two sons. Less frequent are the
after-school driveway basketball games and impromptu walks before
dinner. "I get home at 6:15 and they've been home from school for a
couple of hours," says Mr. Wallace. By the time he gets home, it's time
for a quick dinner and homework-then the boys are off to bed. And he
says the boys have noticed that he is less care-free than he was during
his time off.

For parents in particular, the shift back to the office can be
jarring. "People are getting to know their kids-particularly dads,"
says Jane Cranston, a career coach in New York who is currently working
with a laid-off mother who loves being at home with her 10- and
12-year-old kids. The woman has spent the time off being a class mother
and is reluctant to return to the corporate world, even though she
needs to for financial reasons.

For others, it's the re-introduction of a commute that takes some
getting used to. Jim Reilly was laid off from a national sales-manager
position with a radio station in New York in late 2007 as part of a
downsizing. After six months of searching the 52-year-old was hired at
Univision Radio in Manhattan. He was glad to be back at work, but being
employed meant again making the 1.5-hour commute-each way-from his home
in Bernardsville, N.J. "The toughest time was getting used to the
commute and getting on the bus and walking across town," he says. He
also says he misses seeing his autistic 15-year-old son off to school;
his commute doesn't allow him the time.

Similarly, Frank Maio, a 46-year-old from Pleasantville, N.Y., was
out of work for eight months after he lost his job when Bear Stearns
collapsed. He landed a contract project management position with
Infinity Consulting Solutions Inc. in Manhattan this summer and found
his 5 a.m. wake-up time an initial shock to his body after months of
getting up hours later. And, he says he no longer has as much time for
fishing, a hobby he frequently turned to while unemployed.

There are things newly re-employed professionals can do to make
their transition back to the workplace easier, say experts. In
situations where a parent has been home, talk to the rest of the family
about going back to work and mention that you'll now need them to pitch
in with housework, says Ms. Seidman. "The routine will change
drastically," she says, emphasizing the need to keep young children
informed of the developments as well.

Ahead of your start date Ms. Seidman suggests getting back into the
workday routine by waking up at the time you would once work starts and
simulating some of the other activities you'll have to face daily.

Lastly, those who have returned to work say not to forget the
lessons learned from time off. "Don't fall into the rat race," says Mr.
Wallace. "If you've made substantial progress in carving out personal
time and relationships protect that when you go back to work because it
makes you a better person and executive."

Write to Dana Mattioli at dana.mattioli@wsj.com