6 steps to coping with job loss

August 19, 5:06 PM  SF Job Search Examiner

One
thing many of you know is that dealing with being laid off or fired is
tough. Job loss is one of the biggest stressors people can experience
in their lives since financial security is so vital to one's safety and
well-being. However, sometimes job seekers are so frantic in trying to
line up that next job that they eradicate their chances of securing
that next opportunity by not coping first with this enormous loss.

 Losing
your job can cause grief, rejection, shame, guilt, and resentment,
among other unsavory emotions, which can derail your life and your
ability to obtain new employment. I spoke to some of my more
emotionally-focused colleagues and put together a list of "To-Do's" for
guiding you through this emotionally draining process. Don't waste
valuable time. Get started on the healing process now if you haven't
already, so that you can be truly productive in your job search and
live a happier life.  

1.) Organize your benefits.It's
important that one of the first things you gain is some stability in
your finances so that you have some peace of mind to work from. Don't
be afraid to ask your previous employer (kindly, now!) what services
they provide - your HR rep may be able to provide you with an Employee
Assistance Program (EAP) for free services, and help explain how to
continue your insurance coverage. If you're thinking of continuing your
education visit financial aid offices to find out about grant and aid
programs.

There is also lots of free financial information available on
budgeting and planning out there. One of my absolute favorite new websites is Mint.com. Make
an appointment with your local EDD branch or government-run Career
Center to speak with a representative about qualifying and applying for
programs that can provide some security during these difficult times.
There is a wealth of services and benefits available including extended
health insurance, unemployment compensation, retraining and educational
programs, and more. Kathy Knudson,
a Career Counselor and Therapist agrees, "There is lots of help
available through various government agencies under the Workforce
Investment Act. Follow the stimulus money."  

2.) Learn to forgive.Leonard
Sansone, another Career Counselor buddy of mine says this best, "I
think that a very viable tool, that we all have access to, is to
forgive everybody involved with the job loss. That means from yourself
to the employer, and includes anybody that is involved with the job
loss. While the person you're forgiving is running around the
countryside free of the thought that they are involved in your loss,
you're all bound up with it. So if you release that person, you are
setting yourself free. That is a religious principle but I have found
that my mental health is better for it. "  

 3.) Acknowledge and deal with the pain.Losing
your job is like mourning a death. Sansone concurs, "People have
tendency to marry their jobs. Work is highly a personal event. We spend
more time in our work life then do in our home life with family. So
when we lose a job, for most Americans, it's a big issue." It's OK to
be rightfully upset and you don't need to feel embarrassed in any way
for being emotional over such a loss. However, you need to acknowledge
and deal with the emotional issues that come up in the process before
you can move on. 

Face it, and kick, scream, and flip out if you need
to. Let it out. "You
need to move past the negative (anger, self-doubt, depression, anxiety)
so you don't project those in a job interview (or even networking!). In
every encounter, you need to project yourself as a winner," says Maureen Nelson,
a Senior Career Counselor. "Self-blame and self-doubt leads to a
downward spiral. You become frozen. Inertia sets in so you just
hibernate and can't go out and network or make calls and visits to
employers." So what should one do?

4.) Remove yourself from the situation.No,
I'm not saying to run away from your problems, but this process can be
very healing and guide you back to your inner voice and values. Sansone
clarifies, "Get away and enjoy the beach, time with family or relatives
who are distant, and go away where you can do some soul searching. Read
self-help literature. Read the holy book of your beliefs. Spend time
with friends. When we leave the scene for a period of time we usually
have new prospectus on the situation. We tend to set new goals or
affirmations, new resolve, and our heads get clear."  

5.) Stay around positive people. Surrounding
yourself with positive people who believe in and support you is key
when going through such a major life change. Today there is a wealth of
resources such as Job Clubs and Support Groups out there that bring
people together to help one another. "Don't do this alone. Find a
support group, a counselor, a therapist, someone to listen to you. You
have to be able to let go of all those emotions in a safe environment,"
says Knudson. And yes, that may mean a brief stint of absence from your overly critical ‘I told you so' mother-in-law.  

6.) Get active.You
need to keep busy with activities that remind you how valuable and
worthy you are. The bonus is that many of them are extremely beneficial
for your job search as well! Nelson
suggests joining professional associations, among other activities. "It
reminds you that you're still a professional in your field even if
you're not in your job. You should still hold your head up; you still
have expertise." She continues, "Be good to yourself -- exercise, eat
right, get enough rest, socialize, and have fun. Take classes and
volunteer to be productive even if you're not paid for it." 

Sansone
encourages entrepreneurial thinking, "I think we all need part-time
projects. They can have some kind of compensation like home based
businesses, network marketing, making pot holders, real estate
investing... Something that can help you earn a few bucks and save. It
also helps to offset the empty and hostile feelings that the job loss
brings with it."  In closing, I like to tell my Career Coaching
clients that the only thing in this world that you have complete
control over is your own attitude and actions. Let go of the outside
world and focus on how you can improve your life. Sometimes, that process begins with healing.