How To Choose Happiness With Words

From Marc and Angel Hack Life:  May 24th, 2009

This guest post was written by Tehseen, the author of Recharge Your Mind.

Happiness is simply a state of mind.  No, I'm not implying that we
can instantly heal the pain of a severe or unexpected personal tragedy
just by thinking about being happy.  Rather, I am referring to our
levels of happiness on routine days when things in our lives are close
to normal.  In these neutral times, when we are neither ecstatic nor
extremely sad, the slightest change in attitude can swing our happiness
balance drastically in either a positive or negative direction. One of
the primary factors that affect our attitude is our choice of words.

Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the
listener.  When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that
have a negative undertone.  This can make us seem unhappy (and
negative) in the eyes of others.  Even worse, after we have spoken
these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them.  "If this is
what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel."

However, this is not always true.  The first fleeting words that
come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of
our feelings and intentions.  We must realize that we have the power to
choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change
the way we feel.

Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.

Inject Happiness into Casual Communication

Typically, when I ask someone "How are you?" they reply, "I'm fine"
or "I'm okay."  But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new
colleague of mine replied, "Oh, I am fabulous!"  It made me smile, so I
asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, "I'm
healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country.  So I
don't have any reason not to be happy."  The difference was simply his
attitude and his choice of words.  He wasn't necessarily any better off
than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.

It really struck a chord with me.  Suddenly I realized that I have a
choice.  I can either say "the glass is half empty" or "the glass is
half full."  Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don't have
anything to be terribly upset about.

So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say "I'm doing
wonderful!" or "Everything is awesome!" or something similar that
reflects a positive, happy mood.  Since I've made a regular habit of
doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive
change in my attitude.  And I do genuinely feel happier.  Also, it
seems like the people around me are smiling more now too.  So I guess
it's contagious.

Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly

We've all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into
heated arguments.  This usually results in a complete breakdown of
productive communication.  The reason for this is simple.  When people
get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not
productive.  More often than not these arguments transpire due to our
choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated
peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other's
perspectives pretty well.  Hence, it's very important to choose our
words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.

• Instead of telling the other person "You always..." try saying "Sometimes you...".


• Instead of saying "That's not true," try saying "I don't think I completely understand your point of view."


• Instead of telling your friend "I don't want to go to that bar,"
  you can say "Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would
  rather..."

Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates
negativity in conversations.  On the other hand, choosing words that
assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected
drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without
heating things up.

Wendell Johnson once said:

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Maintain a Hopeful Outlook

When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the
least careful with our choice of words.  We assume that there are no
restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person.  In
some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of
our words and thoughts still affect us.

For example, there is a huge difference between saying "I wish I
have a house that big someday" versus "It would be great to have a
house that big someday."  The latter gives a greater sense of
possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes' it is
possible and ‘yes' it could happen one day.  Whereas, using words like
‘I wish' makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally
leads to feelings of discontentment.

Conclusion

These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it
is to choose and use positive words.  Remember, our words transparently
coincide with our mindset.  Positive language creates a healthy balance
between our mind and our heart.

Tehseen Baweja writes about creativity, productivity
and personal growth.  If you are looking for some tips, check out his
blog at RechargeYourMind.com.