STRIKEOUT ZONE: AFTER 16 INTERVIEWS AND NO OFFERS, SHE HAD TO ASK: WHAT'D I DO WRONG?

By ERIN MANTZ

Posted: 3:16 am
May 4, 2009

I felt like we'd really hit it off. The conversation flowed without an
awkward moment. He really seemed to like me. I could see a future. But
as days turned into weeks, he never called, never e-mailed.

Potential employer No. 16, where did I go wrong?

Four months into my job search and with 16 interviews under my
belt, it was time to face facts about those employers: They just
weren't that into me.

My question was, why not? I was a strong candidate for the
communications director positions I applied for. I had a sparkling
resume perfected by a career-coach friend; 12 solid years of experience
with prominent companies; a writing portfolio with dozens of published
clips; a professional appearance and a friendly, engaging personality.
A 30-something mother of two, I could check "no" on the felony
convictions question, had never been fired and am free of neck tattoos
and facial piercings.

It's not that I thought it would be a cakewalk. When I set out to
find a job, fueled both by critical family circumstances and a nagging
desire to go back to full-time work after years of freelancing, I
braced myself for a frustrating search. Knowing I'd be competing with
hundreds of candidates in a market boiling over with layoffs and
cutbacks, I expected it might take a month or two. Now, instead of
kicking the autumn leaves, I'm watching the spring azaleas bloom.

Yet, despite the tough job market, I kept getting interviews. Each
time, the potential employer would explain that the company had
received stacks of resumes and selected only a handful of candidates to
interview, me being one! Each week, I went on interviews, then spent
sleepless nights replaying them in my mind.

What happened at the firm that had me do three interviews, and got
as far as talking about benefits, only to leave me hanging ? Or the
nonprofit group who rearranged their day so five people could interview
me? Or the one that caused me the most sleepless nights -- the
interviewer who called while I was driving home from our meeting to
invite me to meet the CEO, and told a mutual contact I was perfect for
the job? It was like that boy who dated me most of senior year and then
never asked me to the prom.

Did I say something wrong? Not know enough about the company? Have
lipstick on my teeth? Look too much like a tired mom because my
4-year-old woke me at 2 a.m. for chocolate milk? I had worked hard
balancing work and motherhood for years -- and had client success to
show for it -- but maybe schlepping my kids to gymnastics instead of
sitting in an office 9 to 5 was coming back to bite me.

Week after week of nibbles without a solid bite put me on an
emotional roller coaster. I tried to keep my sense of humor and told
myself there was no way 16 people in a row had been so put off by
meeting me that they'd sent my file to the shredder. I joined a gym for
the first time in 20 years to gain physical -- and hopefully mental --
strength. My friends tried to boost my confidence with pep talks and
optimistic daily horoscopes.

To make matters worse, I didn't even want some of these jobs. A few
were clearly not for me: salaries too low, commutes that made me want
to cry, work that didn't interest me. Knowing that nothing is perfect,
I was ready to compromise. But no offer came.

Why was I getting so many interviews but no offers? Near my
breaking point, I decided to ask. So, bracing myself for the truth, I
e-mailed the interviewers for the 10 jobs I'd been best suited for, and
asked point blank: Why didn't you hire me?

I didn't have to wait long for answers. Within hours I heard from
potential employer No. 12, a nonprofit education organization I'd
really wanted to work for. She'd been impressed with my writing
portfolio and media connections, she said. But, in the end, she needed
someone with experience building cohesion among divergent groups.

OK, I didn't have that. I felt better. She'd liked me. Phew.

Interviewer No. 13 had really gotten my hopes up. After our
meeting, she'd said I was one of two finalists she wanted to meet her
client, set a date for the following week, and then abruptly canceled.
So what was the deal?

It turns out the client had decided he wanted someone with
government-process knowledge, and failed to tell her until she was
setting up the final interviews. I took sick comfort in knowing that
the other finalist must have been let down, too. Misery loves company.

Interviewer No. 15 said the job I'd been up for, as a
communications project manager, had been redefined, and the recruiter
was starting over from scratch. Interviewer No. 1 -- the CEO from an
educational products company just minutes from my house -- said I had
strong writing and editing experience and a great work history. But
he'd ended up hiring a candidate with more recent management work.

Wait a minute, I thought. I manage a household and two wild young
sons 24/7 -- not to mention my freelance clients' deadlines. I know he
meant official staff management. But, still, I'd really liked that
company, from its products to the perfect commute.

I didn't learn much from No. 3. She was just one HR contact at a
huge hospitality company, and she said she wasn't involved in the
process beyond the initial interview. She thought the position -- which
offered telecommuting, amazing benefits, good salary and room for
growth -- was still open. I may never know.

I'll also probably never know what went wrong at interviews No. 2,
8, 9 and 12. Those interviewers -- including the one who was so anxious
for me to meet her CEO -- never responded to my queries.

I got nothing but positive energy from those who did respond,
though. They were so friendly -- "Great to hear from you!" said one;
"Happy to help!" said another; "Keep in touch," said a third -- that
this alone made me feel less like damaged goods.

I even got some unexpected good news from potential employer No.
16. It turns out I'm still under consideration! The agency owner has
been so busy that it was taking longer than expected to make a decision.

What I discovered from this process is that I can handle rejection,
as long as I was liked. The job market can beat down self-esteem and
generate replays of one's every career decision. In the end, beyond the
salary ranges and required skill sets, you just want to know why they
never called.

I also learned that in a job market like this, candidates can have
a lot to offer, but not get any offers. And that all those rejections
don't mean I did something wrong, or wasn't likable, or wasn't good
enough. As I continue my career search, I have renewed confidence in my
abilities and interview skills. And if you're on the job hunt and
waiting for the phone to ring, I hope you will, too.

Today, as I wait to hear back from my latest interviewer, I remain
optimistic. This is one I really want -- a perfect position with a
small company that's creative, growing, and nearby. They said want to
talk with me again and will call soon.

Saving Your Self-Esteem

Repeated interviews and subsequent rejections can send even the
most gung-ho job seeker's self-esteem reeling. We asked a pair of
experts for some survival tips.

* Have realistic expectations. This is one of the toughest job
markets many of us will ever experience. So remember there are many
reasons the phone may not have rung, says Christine Fruehwirth, a
career and life coach with Flex Careers Consulting. Perhaps the
position was put on hold due to the company's deteriorating finances.

* Reach out. Surround yourself with supportive people, advises Lynn
Berger, a career counselor in Manhattan. Optimistic pals can offer a
pat on the back or a pep talk over coffee. And don't suffer silently --
give voice to your frustration instead of letting your feelings build
up, says Fruehwirth.

* Keep active. Instead of sitting around waiting for the phone to
ring, continue to be proactive in your job search, says Berger. Find
encouragement in the fact you are "out there" actively looking for a
job.

* Get physical exercise. It can help level your body, mind and spirit. -- E.M.