Twenty True and Amazing Resume Nightmares and Blunders

Okay, so there are a ton of articles out there that will tell you all
about the five or ten worst resume mistakes you can make, everything
from forgetting to spell check to using incorrect formatting or not
including accomplishments. They extol the virtues of developing a
proper objective while ensuring that you don't forget to use the proper
font.



You read that stuff over and over again until you're blue in the face
and bored spitless. So now you want to know about the real-life boners
that other unwitting job seekers have managed to succumb to? The things
that recruiters share with each other while snickering behind your back
over cocktails at happy hour?



Well, I've got news for you. During my many years as a recruiter, there
have been enough faux pas to keep me laughing for weeks. So, starting
with the basics, here is a mix of the ridiculous and outrageous.

20. Now What Did I Forget?

While the basics of resume formatting are
flexible, one thing you cannot overlook: your contact information. It's
impossible for an employer to contact you if you haven't supplied the
details. Yet, there have been numerous times in my career when I have
received a resume without a name, phone number or other vital
information.

19. When in Doubt, Leave it Out.

On the other hand, sometimes people include information in their resume
that would be better off left out. Personal information such as height,
weight, sexual orientation, unusual hobbies and memberships in the NRA
are best discussed after being hired...or perhaps not at all.

18. Don't Assume.

You know that old saying about it making an "ass" out of "u" and "me?"
Well, sometimes I post jobs using only my first initial with my last
name. Invariably I will get cover letters addressed to "Mr." D.
Hildebrand. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot!

17. Don't Claim it if it's Not True.

I'm often amazed at the number of candidates who claim to have
excellent, exceptional or superior communication skills, yet can't put
a coherent sentence together. Very often I think they forget
communication is not just about IMing their friends, it means being
able to write and edit a letter, too.

16. Geek Alert.

For those job seekers who are unclear on this point, it is not
appropriate to include a photo of yourself with your resume. However,
one techie who was applying for an IT job obviously didn't get the
e-mail.  In fact, his photo wasn't just attached; it was actually
printed on the resume paper in the upper left-hand corner. If that
wasn't enough, it was a profile of him sitting in front of his computer
merrily typing away, grinning from ear to ear.

15. Geek Alert, Part Deux.

Did I say don't include a photo of yourself? No, honestly, including
one of the whole family isn't any better. One resume I received
included a picture of the husband, wife and their two lovely children.
How sweet.

14. Speaking of Family.

I'm a firm believer in resume headlines, not objectives. Headlines
capture the reader's interest like a story in a newspaper.
Objectives...whatever. Anyway, believe it or not, I have seen objectives
used for many things, but one of the saddest was when a job seeker used
it to express his dire need for employment in order to feed his three
children.

13.  And Another Thing About Objectives.

There was another time that a candidate chose to use the objective
primarily for its intended purpose. It was just the ending that was a
wee bit strange. After explaining what he wanted in a position and
company, and commenting on his best qualities, he closed with the
comment that it would be a ""big mistake"" not to hire him. Thank
goodness it wasn't for a job with the post office.

12. References Available on Request.

I think I hate this line at the end of a resume about as much as an
objective at the top of one. Stating the obvious is a waste of space.
Everyone knows your references are available, because if they're not,
it's not likely you'll get the job.



 

11. You Want What Kind of Benefits?

I'll admit it, early on in my human resources career, I was naïve.
However, when I received a resume that included a cover letter
requesting a competitive salary and ""French benefits,"" I knew this
candidate was getting some kind of extras that I wasn't getting. (Note:
the job seeker meant ""fringe"" benefits).

10. You Fill in the Blanks.

This one is from early in my career, too, when it was more likely
candidates would send their resume by snail mail. On more than one
occasion I had candidates who would submit a form cover letter with
blanks that were suppose to be filled in with the recipient's name, the
job title and such, only they left the spaces empty.

9. Please Use Spell Check.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the article, one of the many
recommendations that the experts try to drum into job seekers is the
importance of reviewing their work for typographical errors. This step
is especially important when you are applying for the position that one
candidate submitted her resume for: Executive Assistant to the company
President. Or in her case: Exec. Ass.

8. Spell Check Didn't Matter This Time.

Applying for the position of Swing Shift Supervisor and forgetting the
'f' in shift brought tears to my eyes. Boy, I hope he didn't hit
anybody when he was swinging that stuff.

7. Too Clever for Her Own Good.

Here's one that had me wanting to wash my hands afterwards. While
recruiting for a Marketing Manager opening, I received a resume that
had a cover letter handwritten on a stained paper plate with a fork
glued to it and telling me she was ""hungry"" for the job.

6. What is it with Marketing Candidates?

For that same Marketing Manager position, another candidate glued a
small packet of instant coffee to his resume to wish me a good morning
as I reviewed his background. What? No cream and sugar?

5. Tell the Truth, Dear.

 A friend of mine told me of a time when she received a resume at her
new company from someone she had fired from her previous employer.
Unfortunately for the job seeker my friend had since married, so he
didn't recognize her name. When he wrote in his cover letter that he
had been laid off, she knew he was lying.

 

4. Yes, You Obviously Need Help.

Since sending resumes by e-mail has become the standard I have seen
some interesting errors; however, one that stands out is the candidate
who obviously had help with his resume. The person who had assisted him
used the Word editing tool, tracking the changes as he went.
Unfortunately, the candidate neglected to accept or decline the changes
before submitting his resume, so it arrived in my mailbox red lined.

3. Have a Nice Day.

By now you all know that resumes should be printed on nice, neutral
paper in soft tones like eggshell or gray. However, I had one candidate
that must have thought I needed my day brightened up because she sent
hers printed on paper with a smiley face border.

2. Stupid Pet Trick.

I was never really clear about the motive behind this one; however, one
time a woman actually had her dog imprint his paw at the bottom of her
cover letter. Of course, that's not nearly as bad as the one with
bright pink lips kissed onto the envelope.

1.  Pièce de Résistance.

And last but not least, one of my favorite all time
""what-were-you-thinking"" blunders comes from a business associate.
Again, it was a position in marketing or advertising and I believe the
candidate was attempting to demonstrate his creativity. I'm just not
sure this was the way to do that. His cover letter read:



I'm sending this resume because I need to work

And I'm really hoping you're not a jerk.

You'll see I have background and talent galore.

Grant me an interview and I'll show you more.



My colleague's biggest fear: he'd show up at the interview dressed only in a trench coat!

 

What it all comes down to is that when submitting your resume, consider
your goal. To get you into an interview. If you want to give the
recruiter a good chuckle at your expense, go for it. Otherwise, stick
to the plain and simple.