11 Habits of the Worst Boss I Ever Had

Posted by David Silverman on July 26, 2008 9:05 PM

TV's Ur-boss, Michael Scott of The Office,
is a paradigm of what not to do as a leader-like imprisoning your staff
in a conference room to prove that work is better than jail. But while
there is the ring of truth in his incompetence, the actual truth is
always more interesting than fiction.

Therefore, as I prepare to be a boss in my own new company,
I present 11 demotivational lessons inspired by an actual Michael Scott
I used to work for. I hope they provide a manifesto of poor leadership
you can post, like Martin Luther's on the church door, to the
whiteboard of your own Dunder Mifflin executive. Or at least that you
can slide into his/her inbox when no one is looking.

1. Change your mind. Change it several times a day. When reviewing a
report, be sure to make comments that run counter to previous ones.
Leave the employees guessing. It keeps them alert.

2. Be sure your employees don't know what's important to you. You
want the best work possible, period. You don't want them cutting
corners just because something isn't very important. Everything is
important. Always.

3. If you don't like it, you don't like it. You don't have to
explain. They just need to make it "better." If you give them too much
direction, how will they learn? For example: "I don't know what you
want from me, just make the PowerPoint ‘sexier.'"

4. Bring your employees along to all your meetings. But don't let
them speak. By not talking, they have to listen. Just like a
Dictaphone. Then they can remind you of anything you napped through.

5. Thank your employees - but only for efforts below their skill
level. "Thank you for showing up today." "Nice handwriting on that
expense report." Begin the staff meeting by thanking the intern for
comb-binding your files.

6. Schedule weekly "all hands" meetings that require half the
employees to travel (to you, of course). Agenda: they bring you up to
date on what they've been emailing you, but you've been too busy to
read. Don't introduce anything new.

7. Ask your tech savvy employees to take time from their projects to
set up your home computer, preferably when the maid is there. Ideally,
the request includes troubleshooting your kids' iPods.

8. Agree to deadlines and then accelerate them. Ask loudly from the
hallway if the document is ready at 4:59pm. Announce: "I'm here late
tonight if you want to finish it up."

9. Schedule "critical" meetings a few days before Christmas. Require
random employees from around the world to attend. Show up late and
decide everyone can reconvene to "close the open issues" on January 2nd.

10. Send emails at 2am. On Sunday. Mark them urgent.

11. Be careful not to get too wrapped up in your employee's own
goals. If you're too supportive in helping them develop, they'll leave
you for another job. And that's not good management.

How about you? Do you have any bosses that have embodied any or all
of my how-not-to list? Have you been guilty of any of these yourself?
What do you have to add?

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